Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Maternity Leave and Family Planning

Life is moving so quickly right now.  I have 3 more weeks of maternity leave, and I have to say that I am dreading my return to work.  Once I get back into the groove of things, it will all be fine.  But thinking about leaving Kathryn for a full work-day when I have not been apart from her for longer than a few hours is making me so anxious.  She is so sweet and easy, and I just savor our days together.  We spend our time snuggling, listening to her cooing and smiling when we talk to her.  She loves to watch her big sister, and she is obsessed with the ceiling fan and lights.  

I'm sad thinking that this might be our last baby.  I wouldn't say that a third baby is an impossibility, but it's definitely not a probability.  We like the idea of being a family of four.  Two girls, two parents.  It works.  But then I snuggle with Kathryn and take in her sweet baby smell, and I think, are these the last snuggles I will have with a newborn?  Are these the last few times I will marvel at my baby smiling at me and cooing when I say her name? It makes me want to stop time!  But three children seems impossible to us.  Especially as a working mom.  And I think it would take a small miracle to convince Rich to try for a 3rd!  He doesn't even miss not having a boy; he is completely happy with his two girls.  

And why, you might wonder, are we even thinking or talking about this only 2 months after I had a baby?  Because I'm a planner.  And part of me needs to know if this is it.  So that I can prepare my mental image of what our family looks like.  So that I can tell myself to savor each and every milestone.  Which is hilarious, because it's not like I wouldn't be savoring them even if we were planning on having another child one day.  But I just want to know.  And life is funny, because sometimes you just can't plan things and you just can't know what the future holds.  

Do other people think about this so shortly after having a baby? 

1 comment:

Lea said...

I am right there with you, Jen! I remember at my 6 week post-partum follow-up, I mentioned something about a third to my midwife, and she was like, "Uh, you don't need to be thinking about that right now." But yes, I have thought about it constantly because I too want to know what will happen. Since Ava was born, I have wondered the same things - is this my last baby? I want to savor every second. And here we are, with an almost 16 month old, and I still have no idea if we will have a third, and I drive Eric crazy with it sometimes! :)

And I really feel for you on going back to work. I haven't been in your shoes, but I have often thought about how I would feel having to return work with a newborn, and it would be really hard for me. I hope everything transitions smoothly for you.